You Missed Your Stop

Sorry for the lack of updates, I've actually had to get a new computer recently because my old one died.

Without further ado, it's February 1st, WHICH MEANS ONLY ONE THING-- January is over. January is the worst movie month of the year, it's the month where the studio execs release all of their movies that made them say "so much for that $50 million". January used to share these rights with August, but then people realized that good movies can still come out because it's still summer. Anyway, here are my final rankings for WORST MOVIE OF JANUARY 2010!

5. Extraordinary Measures

Mostly for the casting combo of Brendan Fraser and Harrison Ford, 'Measures' sounds absolutely God-awful. However, the fact that it's based on a true story about cancer makes me feel kind of guilty for giving it a higher (or lower, for that matter) ranking on this list. At any rate, $6 million at the box office its first week and a half should speak for itself. I would rather eat paint chips than watch this movie.

The Numbers:

30% on RT Tomatometer

$6mil box office

4. When in Rome

Kristen Bell was on the way up in Hollywood, but then she did a movie with the collective sinking ship that is Will Arnet, Jon Heder, Dax Shepard, and Danny DeVito. 'When in Rome' is about a woman... who goes to Rome, and is 'fed up' with love. Surprise. She finds a fountain and mistakenly steals a magical coin from it, and then attracts the love of the several 'suitors', all mentioned above. Imagining any of those men in any kind of romantic setting is enough to make me... I don't know. Anyway, when Josh Duhamel arrives (I feel like he has become a go-to actor for January cast listings), Kristen Bell can't decide if this love is part of the curse or the real thing. I would rather drink a bottle of Nyquil and Dayquil at the same time than pay to see this movie.

The Numbers

20% RT Tomatometer

$12.5mil box office

3. The Tooth Fairy

The Rock-- check. Combat boots-- check. Embarrassing fish-out-of-water fantasy comedy tale storyline-- check. Obnoxious tagline involving dated expression and play on words-- CHECK. 'The Tooth Fairy' has been a longtime favorite for the crown in this race, but has lost out to a few more deserving competitors. Bottom line, we've come to expect this crap from The Rock, plus I get the feeling that this movie doesn't take itself as seriously as the next two. With that said, I would rather wear male Uggz than see this movie.

The Numbers

15% on RT Tomatometer

$26mil box office

2. Legion

This movie slipped in under the radar, but a last minute ad-sweep involving a trailer with people crawling around like retarded spiders and the poster above with an angel holding an uzi have convinced me that this has got to be one of the worst movies of the year. Watch the trailer at http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/legion/. If you're still not convinced, it has Dennis Quaid and Tyrese in it. I would rather eat the OLD Dominos pizza than watch this movie.

The Numbers

19% RT Tomatometer

$28mil box office 

1. The Spy Next Door

Jackie Chan. Billy Ray Cyrus. George Lopez. It's become easy to pick on Jackie, so I feel bad but he's honestly asking for it with this one. A US government spy is asked to babysit the kids next door. When one of them unlocks a secret government code, the Feds come after them and it's up to Jackie Chan to stop them. Note the tagline: "Spying is easy. Babysitting is hard." I would rather have Jackie Chan be my actual babysitter than watch this movie.

The Numbers

8% RT Tomatometer

$18mil Box Office